What if I'd been born a ...

That last post got me thinking (and you were wondering what it took?): what if I'd been born a female? Well,, uh, I'd have a different name. Probably something like 'Helen' or 'Elisabeth.' Or maybe even 'Virginia.' And I wouldn't look quite so much like Mark Twain, I wouldn't have to shave and I wouldn't have to worry about this problem.

Then I wondered ... what if I'd been born a fountain pen? What would I be? And the answer came to me from reading Pen World.

I'd be a Sheaffer Flat-Top.

Here's why:

"Like the Ford Model-T (except in more colors), the Sheaffer flat-top is solid, dependable, serviceable, about as exciting as cold toast and writes like a stick. What it lacks in flash it more than makes up for in steady dependability." Rob Astyk

"Built like a tank, it is the business symbol of the '20s and one of the most rugged if not the most rugged nib of all time. Not mere sheet gold, but military-style, armor-plated gold!" Nathan Tardiff

"As the name would suggest, the Sheaffer flat-top is a reliable, square, and predictably inflexible* pen well suited to our age." Jonathan Blumenfeld

"Unconcerned with vanity, the flat-top does its duty without drawing attention to itself." Betty LeBaux

And this one, which is a bit problematic for me, but is too good to pass up:

"Conservative. Had Otto von Bismark been reincarnated as a pen, the flat-top would be the model." Pier Gustafson [a flat-top with a pickelhaub?]

And this one, from a review of a specific pen, that I hope will be true:

"The main point is that this pen, as beat up and worn out as it is, still manages to do the same job today as it was designed and built to do seventy-some years ago!" - Mike Stevens

Now if I were an automobile, I think I would be a 1965 Volkswagon Beetle like my older brother Jesse owned.

* not to be confused with stubborn.


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