Why you can benefit from the recession

Way back in July when there was still some doubt that we were anywhere near a recession AOL published a list of 10 reasons why a recession could be good. As a public service I reproduced the list with my own comments in brackets. Now that we are so far into a recession that Phil Gramm is hiding out in an undisclosed location and NRO doesn't even dispute it anymore, I am taking the opportunity to repost the list in a last ditch effort to make you all feel better.

1. Less junk mail! [junk mail is reportedly down 19%. Think how many trees are saved.]

2. Shorter gas lines [if you can afford it anyway] [update: thanks to the recession, demand for gas has dropped so much that prices have plummeted. Expect a surge in SUV and Hummer sales shortly]

3. Family dinners [helps ward off teen suicides. Guess they never ate at the Clemens' household when he was a teen. ]

4. More coupons [I am sorry my Dad did not live to see this day].

5. Free Fitness [actually due to high gas prices, not the recession we are not in: makes more people walk or bike to work. I'm trying to help out by not going to work.]

6. Bargain SUVs! [if schadenfreude is a sin I am going straight to Hell].

7. Business opportunities [wages go down, rents go down, competition goes down, opportunity goes up. Such is the theory. Me, I'm investing in a Mexican tienda]

8. Increase in gardening [NOT in the Clemens' household. I'm allergic to work outdoors: my face gets red, I break out in a sweat, I start panting for air, and pretty soon I don't have the strength to lift a mug].

9. Musical inspiration [especially County & Western songs, apparently]

10. New perspectives [Like: gee, so this is what it means to be poor! I never imagined!]

No, no. No need to thank me.