Genghis Khan again...

... No one can get enough of the Great Khan.

But really, picking John Wayne or Richard Tyson to play the great Asian warlord is almost as stupid as ... as.. well, picking an Arab who got his start in Egyptian soap-operas.


little Mr Miggs could do it better!

Return of the "Conqueror"

Anybody out their remember "The Conqueror" - it was about Genghis Khan, played by John Wayne and a cast of hundreds, most of whom died of cancer. It was filmed on an atomic bomb testing site. It also won the Golden Turkey award for really awful movies.

Now someone seems to want to repeat the experience.


minus the a-bombs, one would hope

Vikings v. the Slavs

Guess who wins? I'll give you a hint: it is a Polish movie. But doesn't the big nasty Viking leader look like ... an early medieval version of Darth Vadar?

On Historical movies, truly, deeply awful

Presented for your consideration: The Conqueror, the totally untrue story of Genghis Khan (nee Timujin) played by the totally ridiculous John Wayne on a really, really deadly piece of land.

It ends as all historical tales should end: 'But then they all died.'



btw, no one has ever bothered to keep track of the hundreds of Navajo extras playing Mongols horsemen who probably died from the same cause.


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How to fake a really, really big battle

Did you see the opening scene of the attack on Omaha Beach on D-Day in "Saving Private Ryan"? I didn't, but heard that it is gritty and spectacular. So how many extras did they have to get, how many landing craft, tanks, etc?

As it turns out, four guys with uniforms and rifles pretty much did it. Check this out, from a link provided by Andrew Sullivan. I especially like the way they did the explosions.


Update: My mistake. Three guys and some uniforms.

The Spirit of 300, er, 1776, uh, ... whatever

Ever wonder what would happen if the folks who made '300' would make a movie about the American Revolution?

No, I didn't think so. Neither did I until I saw this over at Andrew Sullivan's blog.


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Samurai Kitty

I have discovered that virtually every nation on the planet has produced expensive epics of the great military glories of their past and if there is even one computer literate representative of that nation, they have put it on You Tube (you should see the one from Bulgaria!).

Well, being a military historian I just couldn't resist spending a few hours this week watching a few, starting with "The Immortal Lee Soon Shin" from Korea. Lee Soon Shin, or better, Yi Sun Sin, was a spectacularly successful Korean admiral who repelled the Japanese invasions of Korea in the 1590s. The movie is a made for TV epic that most have cost a bundle.

All the Koreans are noble, calm and dignified, even when under great stress. The Japanese are strutting and gloating until they find themselves surrounded and outgunned. Then they are pop-eyed, stuttering and howling. In fact the acting style for both the Koreans and the Japanese seems to be heavily influenced by old samurai epics.

Which brings me to Samurai Kitty. You have to watch a fairly long clip here which illustrates what I was saying. Then, towards the end, the Black Samurai with the really big horns starts acting a little funny. Suddenly, you see a fluffy white cat. And nothing else.

If anyone out there can understand Korean, please tell me and Carmen what the hell that cat is doing on a Japanese battle ship.

And if you want to see what an early modern naval battle between Japanese and Koreans looks like, click here.

War Movies of the 18th and 19th Century

I'm dragging this out, but it's fun and it's my blog. There is not a lot to pick from here and not all of these are good movies, but they do show something about warfare back in those days. As always, it's an idiosyncratic list.

The Duelists, 1977. Stars Keith Carradine and Harvey Keitel, based on a Joseph Conrad story about the Napoleonic wars. Gorgeous, fascinating and fun. Not so much about the big battles but about an idiotic duel fought for the notion of honour carried to the point of insanity. Guess which actor gets to play the crazy guy?

War and Peace, 1968, Sergei Bondarchuk's version. The definitive film adaptation of the novel with absolutely stunning battle reenactments. Apparently Bondarchuck got a few divisions from the Red Army to film this, along with an unlimited budget. The American version (with bad dubbing alas) was 6 hours long. The original Russian version at least 9 hrs. Much more than a war movie. I'd like to see it again in the original Russian with subtitles - or not.

Waterloo, also by Bondarchuk, 1971. Not nearly as good as War and Peace it still has remarkable reenactments of the battle with a cast of zillions. Worth seeing for that alone. Good movie score by Nina Rota. I did not like Rod Stieger as Napoleon - too hammy, even for the great Corsican. Still, if you want to know what a Napoleonic battle was like, and how "they came at us the same old way, and we beat them the same old way" this is the movie. Unfortunately it is marred by hammy acting and the use of studio shots of actors pretending to ride horses.

Gettysburg, whenever. Based on The Killer Angels, I could basically repeat the 'Waterloo' description, changing 'Napoleonic' for 'Civil War.' It does accurately show what the fighting was like, although like most American attempts at filming the Civil War it runs into one problem. There were no fat, or even well fed, Confederate troopers in that army! Ted Turner was behind this one. It's filmed on the actual battlefield. It shows Gen. Winfield Scott Hancock getting shot off his horse, which has a certain humor here in the Clemens household. My brother the Confederate nut likes it, even though he says the wrong general won. And Lee's accent is wrong. This is the movie that should have been directed by Sam Peckinpah. That would have been an American classic.

But he was dead.

Red Badge of Courage, a film recreation of the Stephen Crane novel. Good battle scenes for its time, now dated. Still, it is a classic story of American lit.


ooops. Time to go eat, Carmen says. I'll finish this later this evening.

Okay - that was fun. It's now very late and I have had some sangria so let's finish this up.

Two movies about the Zulu Wars that the British fought. The first one you should see is Zulu Dawn. Stars Burt Lancaster, Bob Hoskins, Peter O'Toole and basically the entire Zulu nation refighting their great victory at Isandlwana over the British. This is one of the few big budget war movies that is better as history than as a movie. Production values are high quality and it was filmed on location. Gives you a nice feel for what it was like to be facing 20,000 Zulu warriors when your ammo ran out.

The day after the massacre units of the Zulu army swept down on a small British detachment at Rorke's Drift. Against all odds, the detachment held out, winning a bucket load of Victoria Crosses. The British made much of this, since it distracted from the fact that a White Army armed with the latest equipment had just been slaughtered in detail by a 'native' army. Hence the movie of that action, called simply Zulu, 1964. It stars Michael Caine in the role that made him a star with American audiences. It tells a great story well - although it makes up most of the details. The battle scenes are even better staged and filmed than in 'Zulu Dawn'. If you only have it in you to set through one movie of the Zulu Wars, make it this one. Even Carmen liked it. Good score by John Barry too. BTW, this is the movie spoofed by Monty Python in 'The Secret of Life.'

And for a very personal review by a woman who first saw it when she was eleven and spent waay too much time thinking about it, one character in particular, click here.

There are lots of other movies that are now coming back to me, but I think I will end with Revolution, 1985, with Al Pacino. It tries too hard to show the real revolution but only succeeds in showing how a late 20th century liberal thinks the revolution ought to have been. Still, it's mildly entertaining and the battle scenes actually try to show how an 18th century British regiment went about earning its pay. For a negative, no, make that vitriolic, reaction to this movie, try here. The real reason I like this film is because the 15 minute battlefield scene is perfect for showing my warfare class how gunpowder changed warfare - and I don't have to write, or deliver, a lecture.

That's it for tonight. Next time: war movies of even earlier fiascos!

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Clemens' pick of War Movies ... and maybe a few others

I didn't like all of that last list. So with a bit of consultation with Carmen, here are my picks that should have been included. At least, off the top of my head. They are in no particular order.

No Man's Land, 2001. As far as I know, the only Bosnian film ever released in America. During the three way civil war that destroyed Bosnia, a Bozniak soldier and a Serb soldier get stuck in the middle of no man's land, shot at by both sides. Call in the UN troops - which accomplishes absolutely nothing. By turns hilarious and horrifying, I don't think American audiences knew what to make of it - or cared. But you should.

Grand Illusion, 1937. A classic by Jean Renoir. Since it is a classic a lot of blather has been written about this one. Just go see it.

Cross of Iron, 1979. Not a 'great' movie by any stretch, it tells of the Eastern Front of WWII from the POV of some very disaffected German soldiers - their leader played by James Coburn. Since it is a Sam Peckinpah movie you know the battle scenes are .. uh... 'gritty?' One unexpected plus: actually uses Russian T-34 tanks to portray Russian T-34 tanks (sorry - you have to be a tank nut to appreciate that). Not everybody liked this movie!

Enemy at the Gates, 2001. Starring Ed Harris and that handsome guy, it is about the battle of Stalingrad, or rather a brief duel between two snipers during the battle. Not a great movie, partly because it follows a romantic arc typical of American movies, but the first fifteen minutes or so will show an American audience something of what the Soviets went through to destroy the German army. Bob Hoskins is great as Nikita Khruschev. It and Cross of Iron give a glimpse of the war from a different perspective.

The Battle of Algiers, 1964. Directed by Gillo Pontecorvo this is a classic about urban warfare. In fact, I should have known we'd be in trouble when I read that the Pentagon was showing it to their officers before duty in Iraq. Brilliantly shot in 'news reel' black and white, filmed in the actual houses and neighborhood in which the battle took place, and starring locals hand picked by Pontecorvo, including at least one of the Algerian FLN commanders playing himself, this movie is almost like watching a documentary. It is even handed in showing how nasty both sides could be - Pontecorvo, a veteran of the Italian Communist resistance against the Germans insisted on this. At one point he even shows a trio of young FLN women fanning out across the city to set off bombs, some of which they know will kill women and children. The film is unflinching in showing how the French commander of paratroopers breaks the revolt - he gives orders for wholesale torture. And the French win the battle, but lose the war. Added bonus: one of the best film scores Ennio Morricone ever did.

The Blue Max Again, not a great movie, but it contains the best aerial photography of WWI dogfights I have ever seen. And these are not computer generated fakes - they are the actual flying machines. Good film score by Jerry Goldsmith too. But it is strictly for flying machine nuts.

Judgment at Nuremberg, 1961. In some ways dated, and strictly speaking is not a war film, but rather a movie dealing with the aftermath of war. Americans are probably getting a little queasy about war crime trials right now, so that may give it extra salience.


That's it for the bloody 20th - next time, historical war films!

War Movies - a List

Lists are fun. I stole this one from AOL. It's supposed to be the top 25 war movies of all time. Carmen and I had fun running through it, but I decided that this is a yuppie's list - lifestyle lefty lite stuff, with a bit of pap for liberal silliness. Anyway, here it is with my comments. I have put an * beside those I think you should see.

25. The Pianist (2002). Never saw this one.

24. Sargeant York (1941). Saw this one about the time of the end of the Vietnam War (French version, not our attempt). Stereotypical hillbilly goes off to fight the big one in France. Turns out he can kill les Boches as easily as he killed wild turkeys. Note the date.

23. Stalag 17 (1953). Saw this years ago and remember how funny it was. AOL seem to think the humor is dated and interferes with the underlying grittiness of life as a POW in a German camp.

22. Thin Red Line (1998). Must see this one. Interesting reviews.

21. *African Queen. Good movie but is not a war movie. Neither Carmen nor I can figure out what it is doing on this list.

20. *Mash. Saw this when it first came out and it is a great movie. Hilarious while making a good point. It is now a cliche that it is not about the Korean War but the Vietnam war and that is exactly how we took it - way back then. I haven't seen it since, so don't know how well it has held up. God knows the TV version went on forever.

19. Downfall (2005). Don't know anything about this one.

18. *Patton (1970). Saw this one with my Dad when it came. Loved it, but it is the nearest thing to a 'pro-war' movie I can think of. Fascinating psychological portrait of the type of human we sometimes need.

17. **All Quiet on the Western Front (1930). The fact that this is not in the top three shows how shallow this list is. The acting is a bit dated, mainly because it was one of the first talkies made and actors were still doing the silent movie emoting. The battle scenes, filmed on a movie lot with the help of WWI vets (including Germans), are so realistic you sometimes see them slipped into documentaries as 'real' footage. The lead actor, Lew Ayres, becoming a confirmed pacifist, went on to make a movie of world religions. He went around the country personally introducing it (I saw him and the movie in Dinky Town, the little student enclave at the University of Minnesota)

16. Letters from Iwo Jima (2007). I intend to see this one as soon as possible. It's gotten great reviews and apparently should be seen in conjunction with Flags of Our Fathers.

15. *Three Kings. This is a much under rated movie. It stands virtually every war movie cliche on its head. It is also the only movie whose soundtrack I have not been able to find!

14. The Longest Day. Saw this when it first came out and about a half dozen times since on TV. Another example of the shallowness of this list: AOL found its use of literally dozens of big stars a plus, but for me it was always a distraction. When you see Peter Lawford storming the beaches and John Wayne jumping out of a glider, you know you are in La La Land.

13. *Glory (1989). Probably deserves to be here, though I don't think it was a great movie. Certainly the theme is important for any list of American war films. It's about the use of black troops in the Civil War - one of the chief reasons the Confederacy lost.

12. *The Bridge over the River Kwai (1957). Saw this when I was eight - it is still a great war movie and if anything ought to be higher up the list.

11. The Deer Hunter (1978). A superbly made movie that I was always unsure about. Now, I am not sure that it belongs on this list since it seems to be trying to depict something deeper than the Vietnam War.

10. Braveheart (1995). Another case of the list betraying its silliness. It has no business being on this list, not least because it is outside the genre as defined by the other 24 movies on the list. While is was great heroic fun, it had no more relation to history than any other movie made by Mel Gibson.

9. *Lawarence of Arabia (1962). A truly great movie. Why Peter O'Toole failed to get an Oscar for this still puzzles me. An intense look at the inner workings of a war hero, both real and manufactured. Made stars of both O'Toole and Omar Sharif. The soundtrack score my Maurice Jarr actually did win an Oscar. Oddly enough, three big budget films have been made about World War I in the Middle East: Lawrence of Arabia, Gallipoli, and Light Horseman. Only the first deserves to be on the list, though the other two are well worth seeing.

8. The Great Escape. A fun movie, but shouldn't be on this list. It is the model for Chicken Run.

7. **Paths of Glory (1957). A great, and often overlooked, movie based on an incident in the First World War. Kirk Douglas is great as is the entire cast. This choice almost makes me respect this list.

6. *Das Boot. A superb movie about a German U-Boat. If you rent it, try to get the original German soundtrack with subtitles. It was, if I recall properly, originally made for German TV with a big budget and was about 6 hours long. It would be worth watching the full version if you can find it. I remember a woman I knew in grad school telling me how much it meant to her to see it because her father had been in the American submarine service in WWII. Until that moment she had had no idea of what he had gone through.

5. Full Metal Jacket (1987). I did not like this movie. The scenes of Marine boot camp seemed falsified to make an anti-military statement and the final scene made no sense in the context of the Vietnam War. It certainly does not deserve to outrank All Quiet on the Western Front or even Paths of Glory.

4. *Schindler's List. Shouldn't be on this list, though it is a great movie. It is simply not a 'war movie.'

3. Saving Private Ryan. I'll have to take their word for this one, since I have not yet seen this movie. Wonderful reviews, which always makes me a little suspicious.

2. Platoon. I saw this one, and think that it probably deserves to be on this list, but certainly not as no. 2. There are half a dozen films here that are better, and in some cases much better (All Quiet on the Western Front, e.g. )

1. *Apocalypse Now. I am not sure they aren't right on this one. It is a great movie, but I have this nagging suspicion that it is in the no 1 spot because of its liberal anti-Vietnam war take (I think most of the critics who compiled this list are about my age and fixated on Vietnam). On the other hand, my old room mate, a Vietnam vet, loved this movie and has seen it so many times he has practically memorized the dialogue.

That's it. The AOL list of all time great war movies complete with my cranky comments. It is an oddly slanted list in some ways. Few foreign films, few movies before WWI and the two exceptions, Glory and Braveheart, don't actually fit the list. I will give it some thought and list movies I think should have been here in a few hours.

Maybe.

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