The King James Bible

Having grown up hearing the King James translation of the Bible read out almost every week and often enough reading portions of it myself I still find myself unconsciously using Bible metaphors in my language. Not long ago I led our little Episcopal book club in reading a book on the history of the translation. It is a powerful force in the shaping of our language and for me and my fellow Episcopalians our faith.

So I was pleased today to read this little essay in praise of the King James Bible. In the godless New York Time no less.

since King James was a notorious homosexual it has always amused me to see the anti-gay crowd thumping their King James translation while fulminating.

The neferious Amazon One Star Brigade

Once or twice I may have voiced a sour opinion here and there about the embarrassments that post most of the one star reviews on Amazon dot com. Yet reading them is oddly compelling if you can tolerate the depression that sets in afterward. I thought I was the only one who felt this way.

But no, there is another poor soul out there who has said in print exactly what I am thinking (and believe me, I have pulled my punches writing about it). Anyway, Jeanette Demain, on Salon.com reaches what she hopes is the nadir when she finds someone who hated The Diary of Ann Frank. She assumes that this book above all others should be immune from the One Star Brigade's attacks.

But, oh, how wrong I was.

I didn't like this book because it was boring. That's all that needs to be said. It was very very very very very very very very very very very boring. If you have to read this book shoot yourself first.

Can you imagine being this person? It seems like a life completely devoid of any subtlety, introspection, caring or empathy. Or am I reading too much into these few sentences? I hope I am. Maybe this "reviewer" was just having a bad day. But, just the same, I hope I never actually meet him or her. It might get very uncomfortable.

Boy. I wish I had written this article.

on the other hand, if you think you might agree with this particular One Star recruit, you should immediatley follow their final advice.

Modest Celebration for Strunk and White

If you have anything to do with writing -in English, anyway- then you are familiar with Strunk and White's The Elements of Style. It is celebrating its 50th birthday. Or anniversary. Or whatever you celebrate for a book. Mark Garvey has written a tribute to it in The Wall Street Journal (Yes, occasionally I read the red-state rag). You should read it.

Strunk and White perennially remind writers to observe common rules of punctuation and syntax; to be mindful of structure and prefer succinctness to flabbiness; to aim for prose that is concrete, active and clear; and to be sensitive to current word usage. The last chapter of Elements, "An Approach to Style," caps the book's argument beautifully by offering a handful of sensible truths about how writers might achieve a style and voice all their own.

Garvey also points out how odd it is that The Elements of Style, invariably referred to as 'Strunk and White', gets up the nose of snooty academics. Not me, of course. I have it setting on my shelf.

I should read it someday.

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More on Romance novels

I always thought successful romance writers were well paid. Then I met Cheri the Archivist at the Minnesota Historical Society. She had a sister who wrote romance novels. She did it part time and only cranked out one a year and was usually paid $5,000 (1987 $) for each one. So that's why most writers churn out at least two a year. And why so many seem to follow the same formula.

One of the workshops at the Washington conference for Romance novelists (see last post) was called "High Concept," and consisted of a slide presentation on how to create instantaneous plots by choosing items from under the headings of:

Universal Themes, Classic Plots and Innovative Twist.

Think: Good vs. Evil + Twins Switching Places + Banshees.

This explains a lot. Some idiot probably used this device to come up with:

Think: Good vs. Evil + Jane Austin + Zombies.

It would never sell.

well, time to get back to writing my article on the Alans. See if I can find a bodice for them to rip. It's going to published in Russia.

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Books: romance genre

I think it was books like "Wuthering Heights" that may be the great grandmother of today's 'bodice rippers.' Someone has to take the rap. Back when I was a grad student in the frozen north country a bunch of us history students would gather at the Oscar B. Lykes Bar and Grill every Friday to discuss history, and professors, etc., over large amounts of beer. When we were really toasted we would fantasize about writing Romance novels with historical settings. It was great fun - we actually came up with some good plots (if I could only remember what they were) - but I always had the sneaking suspicion that it took more skill and made less money then we thought. I was right on both counts.

Which may explain why I was so amused by this article in the Washington Post today about the Washington Romance Writers of America's annual conference. It's a hoot. I especially like the part about workshops for creating the perfect Alpha male love interest.

More than 100 sessions address everything from "High-Octane" kisses to sketching believable alpha heroes (sub-categories include: Warrior Alpha, Chief Alpha, Extreme Alpha, Bad Boy Alpha, Wounded Alpha, Swashbuckling Alpha, Geek Alpha and Gentle Alpha) to sketching out "imperfect" heroines...

Geek Alpha! Jack, I think I have found our niche. Anyway, at the Clemens household Leo the Dog thinks I am the Alpha dog. I like to think of myself as Warrior Alpha, or maybe Swashbuckling Alpha, but Carmen thinks of me as Bad Boy Alpha. Leo seems to think of me as 'Master-of--treats-I-really-shouldn't-have Alpha'.

now, about those "High-Octane" kisses

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Pick up the book and READ!

So the little kids outside the garden where a perplexed Augustine of Hippo was dithering are supposed to have chanted. In light of our last post and ensuing comments, it sounds like sound advice. The Old Man sent me this little news item from "Mom's Homeroom" that makes clear why:

In a paper called "What Reading Does for the Mind," Anne E. Cunningham, associate professor of cognition and development at the University of California, Berkeley, makes the case that reading:
-increases vocabulary more than talking or direct teaching
- substantially boosts general knowledge while decreasing the likelihood that misinformation will be absorbed; and
- helps keep our memory and reasoning abilities intact as we age.

Thus J.K. Rawlings saves Western Civilization! You hear that Máeráed? Mr Miggs? Read.

and remember, this isn't just any old article - it's a paper. Written by an associate professor! From Berkeley!

Odd. Suddenly I have the strangest craving to start reading Wuthering Heights.

We read these so you don't have to!

That seems to be the idea behind a post over here called "Fired from the Canon." It lists books that usually make "the classics" list that you can safely drop, ignore, and forget about. It is pretty funny actually, and I am glad to say I have only wasted my time with one of them, A Hundred Years of Solitude.

After posting that post about children's literature that garnered more suggestions of books to read than anyone could get through in a lifetime, forget about childhood, I thought I should link to this as a public service. Here, for example, is its final word on A Hundred Years etc.

Magical realism wasn’t much of a trick to begin with – Gabriel García Márquez riding round in circles on a smallish tricycle, cigarillo clamped between teeth, occasionally raising his panama for people to throw coins – and is now thoroughly clapped out. Also, people who like it seem to have little or no sense of humor. No one knows why, but it’s true. Instead it inspires a sort of insufferably pious stupefaction. Perhaps if you were to read Solitude, you too would be borne aloft on its miraculous wings, transported by its spellbinding portrait of a world which is part exotic paradise, part nightmare, etc., etc., etc., but I wouldn’t risk it.

So set back, relax, and try to remember the worst book you ever read after being told "it's a classic. You have to read it!' You know, the one you couldn't finish but claimed you did anyway.

Kiddy Lit

Nicholas Kristof has a good column in today's NYTimes on 'The Best Kids' Books Ever.' Yes, it includes the Harry Potter books, but also some other unexpected ones. Freddy the Pig makes the list. Take a look.

Does anyone out there have any suggestions? Carmen?

Barbara Tuchman and the craft of an historian

When I was much younger I read almost everything Barbara Tuchman wrote, from her biography of Stillman in China to The Guns of August. The one that in some ways has stuck with me the most, however, was The Proud Tower, an examination of the fondly remembered (by some) decades right before World War I. She examined the Belle Epoque dispassionately and showed that it was merely a time like any other time, except that this one was marching remorselessly towards its own destruction.

Today's Washington Post has a retrospective review of The Proud Tower. It includes some discussion of the craft of being an historian, which she clearly was. Well worth reading, just as the book is well worth rereading.

though I still must admit, even after having assigned it to classes, I have never managed to read all the way through A Distant Mirror: The Calmatous 14th Century.

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